Dear school …

I am writing to enquire as to the liklihood that you will get your head out your arse and help me?

I don’t mean this to sound rude but you totally fucked up my first work experience week, forcing me to get my own which turned out to last only three days and made sure that i got very bruised by the end of it due to overenthusiastic football players not knowing how to aim. However it was a lot of fun but still not what I needed. Would you be so kind as to give me another week? Because it was your fault in the first place and i’ve gone away and found more for myself. Come on now. Play fair.

Secondly, will you please just get a new drama teacher? If there’s only one person ever had an A from her then clearly something is up. Plus if you’ve actually been listening to the complaints then you should know, she’s shite.

Finally, I understand that one of the deputy heads gives cracking references but the application clearly says ‘head teacher or head drama teacher’. Deputy head doesn’t cover it. You let her write this and I will not get in. And I want in.

You have no clue how much I will complain until you do as I request. So just do it.

It’s easier and less painful.

Trust me.

Rave on.